Numb or desensitized?

As I sit here and write this, it’s currently 4:00AM. Tonight I worked my part-time job in hospitality, hoping to save up a fair mint before my University year resuming on the 29th. That sounds like, almost, the precursor to the dream.

I’d like to think I have everything under control.

I’d like to think that I’m heading in the right direction.

These are emotions or feelings that I’m assuming. I don’t actually feel them. It’s strange. I know what I should be feeling, but it’s just not accumulating itself in the correct chemical format for me to feel.

So, does this mean I’m numb? or Am I just desensitized? Have I been down this road before and I’m prepared, or am I aware that I shouldn’t be feeling how I’m feeling – but instead I should be feeling how I’m not.

If I was numb, that means I wouldn’t feel at all. I wouldn’t be self-aware of these emotions?

If I was desensitized, I wouldn’t be considering the idea of being numb because I’ve been here before.

I’m on the right direction, but that’s assuming that I only know the goal is illuminating the rest of the road, which I’m not quite sure it is. These ramblings almost seem like a disorganized choreographed, desperate plea for some type of help.

I know it’s not right to expect credit for unfinished work, so I’m curious who is going to get the credit for me when I’m finished. I need to find that person to take the credit, before I take it myself.

Don’t suffer alone.



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